We've always had room for the tech-geeky here at The Dilettante Exegete (by "we" I mean "me"), so today something a little on the lighter side, the ten worst things to happen to cyberspace:
10) LOLCats What's better than pictures of cats with all-caps spelling out their thoughts in Pidgin English, with ten thousand variations of "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?" No cats at all, that's what.
9) Internet Explorer I'm sure you all thought I'd rate this one higher (lower?). I hate IE. 'Nuff said.
8) Realplayer & Quicktime (tie) It's not only bloated, it also thinks it should be the default media player for, well, everything. A poor quality product that thinks it should be your first choice for all your multimedia needs. That ceaselessly provides you with useless news, and prompts you to upgrade to the "pro" version hourly. Guess which one I'm talking about? That's right, both of them.
7) Windows Server XXXX. Because as any geek will tell you, a server running Windows is a glorified workstation.
6) Apple That's right you disturbing cultists, I said it. Their proprietary architectures are worthy of mention all by themselves Sure, sure Windows ripped you off. True enough. But the fall of the Mac is the fault of Apple and Apple alone. Closed standards never win. As if that isn't enough, they're the original love slaves of DRM, putting the rights of providers over that of consumers. Steve Jobs, you're a genius and a brilliant showman. Apple, you annoy the hell out of me.
5) Steve Ballmer. Who can forget gems like "Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches" or "Google's not a real company. It's a house of cards." Ballmer, you're an idiot.
4) Bonzi Buddy You remember this irritating purple monkey? It used to pop up everywhere promising to increase search speeds, help you shop, check your email! In the days before Realplayer disclosed it's spyware practices, Bonzi Buddy found an eager audience in naive netizens. If you know anyone who downloaded it, punch them for me. It's their fault it spread.
3) MySpace What's worse than letting anyone who is so inclined create a homepage from a web designer's bad dreams? Making it easy for them to add the mind-numbing sounds of Hawthorne Heights to their bad poetry. Extra points? No screening process lets any pedophile sign up! If you don't hate Murdoch for Fox News, hate him for this.
2) DRM How do I hate thee. Here in Soviet Canuckistan, we pay a levy on blank media, on the assumption that we're going to make a copy of something we own. DRM says I can't do that, I should pay the levy and pay for the copy. You've gotta be kidding me.
1) AOL By some estimates, over a billion free trial CDs for AOL have been produced. More than enough for every person in the world with web access to have one. Almost all distributed in North America. More CDs were made than there are people to use them. You've all gotten one, with their garish colors and loud proclamations (NOW NO CREDIT CARD NEEDED!). Someday, AOL, you'll pay.